Friday, December 24, 2010

I am Max

The female human's puppy, Max, passed away yesterday. He was 14 years old. I am usually not keen on dogs, but this one was cool. He bit the male human once because the male human hit him in the face with a Wii remote. I think the male human was asking for it.
This is Max at Christmases past.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I am forlorn

The female human has been gone for 6 days now. Her side of the bed is empty. The flat is quiet (the male human is happy). There are no female human articles littering the surfaces. The bathroom doesn't smell like stinky soaps. I don't get as much tatsu time as I am used to.
I miss the female human. I miss cuddling up in bed with her at night (the male human comes to bed too late). I miss cuddling in the mornings when the male human brings her tea. I miss our evenings spent under the tatsu. But all is not lost. The male human tells me she is due to arrive back on the 28th, so long as Heathrow airport doesn't succumb to the snow...

Monday, December 20, 2010

I am horizontal

The female human is away. I am sad. But it does mean there is more space for me to pook out. I can pook out in bed on the female human's side. I can pook out on the sofa next to the radiator. I can pook out anywhere I please. The male human gets cross if I pook out on his chair, though.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

I am drug-fuelled

I have nip?! Where is it?!

You, human, show me where my nip is!




Hey, that's still my nip. No nip for you, human!

All mine.

Friday, December 10, 2010

I am gowned

Dressing-gowned, that is. It is getting very cold now in Hokkaido. The female human has a wonderful piece of winter clothing... the Dressing Gown. The Dressing Gown is a big, fluffy, canary-yellow, toasty piece of cuddle equipment. The female human likes to pick me up and bundle me up in the Dressing Gown. I quite like it too. It's soft and cozy.
I need to work out a plan to steal the Dressing Gown. If I can get the Dressing Gown all to myself, I can be the toastiest Pooka in the world. I know the female human goes out to work in the morning...

Monday, December 6, 2010

I am nipped

The male human has been doing lots of work recently. I don't like it when he does lots of work. It usually means I get less attention. I try to get the male human's attention by jumping on his chair, his table, his computer, his lap... I knock over his tea, bite his hand, scratch his chair... My techniques work for a little while, but then he goes back to his work and I have to start again.
But the male human has a secret weapon - catnip. I love nip. It makes me all happy and cuddly. The male human puts nip on my big fishy. It makes me crazy. I have to have the nip! I roll around with my fishy and nom it until I get all the nip out. Once I've had enough nip, I get all sleepy and cuddly. I like to have a little nap with my nip fishy. It makes me and the male human happy.

Friday, December 3, 2010

I am cheesed off

The male human made the female human cross. So now she's sulking at him. In an attempt to get her to speak to him again, the male human has been sending her 'amusing' photos of my furry self.
I am not amused. I don't see why I have to be dragged into their little tiffs. I'm the Pooka. It's nothing to do with me. I'm going to sit on the male human's computer keyboard to teach him a lesson. No one makes a mockery of Lord Puss-ma-tats...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I am bundled

The weather is turning very cold here. I don't like it. But at least it's not snowing yet. My paddy paws are getting cold. I go under the kotatsu all evening now.
Today I typed 'hotshot' on the male human's computer. He was very impressed, but he still didn't use it in his writings. He's so difficult to please.
In the mornings the humans let me get under the covers with them to warm up. I like our morning cuddles. They let me go in the middle where it's warmest. On Sundays we stay in bed for a long time.

Sometimes the humans get cross at me because I like to roll over and spread my legs out. When I stretch, I like to stretch all the way down to my claws. But the humans don't appreciate me scratching their backs for them. They're never happy, these humans.
The female human thinks it's funny to tuck the covers in up under my chin really tightly. Then she takes photos of me! I humour her for a little while, but then I get grumpy and bite the male human. He's tastier than the female human.

Monday, November 29, 2010

I am round

I don't like sitting on the floor in winter. It's cold. I don't like my belly to get cold. There's nowhere comfy to sit in the male human's writing room. Sometimes I jump on his desk, but he gets cross because I knock his tea over and sit on his computer. Yesterday I typed 'Brzzzzzzzzzzbop'. The male human thought it was funny, but didn't include it in his book. How rude!
The female human brought my bed in, so I would have somewhere comfortable to sit. But this bed is too small. I have to make myself very round to fit on it.
Yesterday a box arrived for the humans. It's a very big box and much more comfortable than my bed. The female human said she would make it pretty for me. She's not so bad all of the time.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I am airbourne

I found a new game.
My flat is very damp. There's lots of nommy water on the windows. The male human opens his window to let the water out. If I jump on his desk, I can reach the window and jump onto the balcony. But the window is too high and I can't jump back in. I meowed at the male human, but he couldn't reach me either.
Luckily, I remembered the doors to the living room. I ran around the balcony and meowed at the male human to let me in. He is well trained and came to get me immediately. I like to control the male human. He gets cross, but that makes it even more fun. I jumped out of the window three more times. The male human realised I was playing with him and shut the window. Sometimes he has no sense of humour.

Friday, November 19, 2010

I am needy

I am not an easy pussum to live with. This is what the male human always tells me. He says I am very demanding. He says I am very vocal. He says I am spoilt. The female human has to remind him that he spoils me. She says it's a vicious circle.
When I want something, I will try to locate the male human and tell him what I want. Usually I want flakies, and the male human is very good at getting the flakies. He's much better than the female human. She never gives me flakies. If I need my tray emptying, I tell the female human. It's her job. I tell her every time I go, even if it's early in the morning.
Sometimes I am sick in the hallway. I make sure to tell the humans, even if it's early in the morning. Sometimes I'm hungry when I wake up, so I tell the humans, even if it's early in the morning. The humans aren't very good at early mornings. I have to work harder at their training...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I am roasted

I live in Hokkaido. In winter, Hokkaido is very cold. There is lots of snow. This displeases me. I don't like cold things. Snow is very cold. To keep me nice and toasty, the humans use a Kotatsu. I like the tatsu. I sit under it with the female human and we get nice and warm. Sometimes we fall asleep under the tatsu. The male human tells us off.
The humans also have a plug-in radiator. I like the radiator a lot. When the female human goes out, I can sit next to the radiator to stay toasty (I don't like going under the tatsu when she's not here, it's dark and scary).
Sometimes the male human sits in my seat and I have to move him along. He should know his place by now.
At night time, I climb into bed with the humans. The male human is especially warm. They tried to keep me out, but I just meowed until they let me in again. Humans are easy, if you know how to manage them. There's a rumour the female human is going away at Christmas. That means I'll have a whole side of the bed all to myself.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I am finger-licking good

Sometimes I annoy the male human. I meow at him, scratch his chair, jump on his table, lay on his computer, bite his hand, knock over the sensor when he's playing Wii games...
But he still loves me. He eats a strange, smelly paste on toast for breakfast. The female human doesn't like this paste. She hates it. The male human calls it Marmite. I love Marmite. The male human let's me have some for breakfast, too.
I love my Marms.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I am entombed

The female human has been using the kotatsu every day. I like the kotatsu a lot. It's like having a soft, comfy cave with central heating. It's my favourite place to hide in the evenings. I usually enter the tatsu at 6pm and only emerge to cool down my toasty belly. I like to use the female human's legs as a pillow.
Sometimes I pretend I'm a tiger and jump out at the male human. Then I run around the tatsu and pounce the female human. They just laugh at me. They don't take my tigering seriously. Foolish humans.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I am harassed

The female human won't stop taking photos of me. Everywhere I go, there she is with that annoying, flashing box, taking shot after shot of me. I understand that I'm a handsome Pooka, but really, this is starting to infringe upon my cuddles' time. I may have to take out a selective restraining order. No female human within 200 metres except for noms and cuddles.

Monday, November 1, 2010

I am...?

I am lots of things. I am bitey, fluffy, sleepy, naughty, cute, comfy, indignant, hungry, noisy, cold, mean, displeased, French, speedy, chipped, vain, lazy, cuddlesome, helpful, spoilt....
But I could be so much more.
What would you like me to be?
Adjectives on a postcard.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

I am comfy

The humans like reading in bed. When the female human reads in bed, she likes to prop up lots of pillows to rest on. It looks very comfy. I waited until the female human had finished reading and went for a shower. While she was away, I stole her comfy pillows. Then, I slept in until 1pm. I was a very happy, comfy pussmatats.

Friday, October 22, 2010

I am cold

Winter is coming. Snow. Frost. Nommy window condensation. But winter is cold. I don't like the cold. I may have lots of fur and 'big bones' but I feel the cold very easily.
Luckily, the humans have a magical table that keeps my belly nice and toasty. They call it "The Kotatsu". This magical table has a heater on the middle of the underside and a nice blanket around the edge to keep the warm in. The female human put the blanket on this week and now we cuddle up together underneath the 'Tatsu' to keep warm.
The male human despairs at the both of us.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I am quenched

My humans think I'm weird. I like water. I like drinking water, wherever it is. Sometimes I drink the water in the bottom of the plant pots. Sometimes I drink the male human's bath water when he's in the bath. Sometimes I lick shower water off the female human's leg. I even drink rain water from the puddles on the balcony.
But my new favourite water to drink is condensation water. Now winter is coming, the window get all misted up and make me nice droplets of water to drink.
I am a very happy Pooka.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I am mean

My humans have been bugging me recently. They didn't do anything particularly wrong, they just bug me. So, I have been biting them more. The humans don't seem to like this very much. If I'm sitting on their laps, they soon push me off. How dare they? Push me, the fur, off their laps? I am sulking in the bedroom now. I am most displeased.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

I am pouncy

The male human was reading his book quietly. He didn't realise I was being a tiger. I stalked my prey, creeping down the hall and into the bedroom. When the male human was distracted, I pounced and captured him.
I am a fearsome tiger.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I am displeased

The humans keep giving me cardboard boxes to play with. What do they think I am? Some kind of vagrant? The boxes are interesting for a little while and I do try to show some gratitude, but really, how cheap of them! These humans must think I'm stupid.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

I am lethargic

With the female human not being here, the male human and I have been staying in bed later in the mornings.
I have been worrying about the male human leaving, like the female human did, so I've been keeping a close eye on the male human to make sure he doesn't leave either.
But all this surveillance work is exhausting. I need to lie down and get my energy back.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I am comfortable

I don't like it when the humans go away. It makes me sad. I feel lonely. Don't tell them this, but I love my humans. They're not all bad. They fuss my belly and give me flakies.
When one of the humans goes away, there's more space for me on the bed. I like to spread my feets out, but it's difficult when there are two humans. Now I can spread out in the female human's space. The male human and I have been having long lie-ins. Usually the female human tells us off and makes us get up, but she's not here now. We're being naughty bachelor boys.
The female human will tell us off when she gets back, but for now we can enjoy our long lie-ins. It's not all bad when the female human goes away.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I am deadly

The male human, in an attempt to keep me quiet, has given me some nip. He put it on my big, red mousie. I love nip. My big, red mousie became lots of fun to play with. Usually he just sits on the floor looking indifferent, but nip makes him fun and exciting. I decided to fight him. I may be bigger, but the big, red mousie has some good moves. I started with a left hook followed by a body slam and tried to pin him, but the big, red mousie was ready for me. The big, red mousie got me in a headlock and nearly had me pinned. The male human began to count to ten, but I wasn't down and out just yet...

I got the mousie with an uppercut and followed with a bunny kick. My
bunny kick is dangerous. Sometimes, when the male human is fussing me, I grab his arm with my teeth and front paws, then bunny kick him with my bunnies. Sometimes I make the male human's arm bleed. The big, red mousie, although he's smaller, is a much dirtier fighter than the male human. He bit my arm, so I bit his belly. We were wrestling now. The male human was happy I was fighting the big, red mousie and giving his arm a break. I'll have to get him later, when he least suspects it.

I decided it was time to put him out of his misery, so I decided to use my Judo skills. A quick side kick to the big, red mousie's tail, and he was going down. All that was left to do was to hold him down for the count and that was it. Game over. The big, red mousie was a fearsome opponent, but no match for my superior Pooka fighting skills. The female human will be so proud of me. I can't wait to tell her about my fight with the big, red mousie.
I'm sleepy and hungry now...

Monday, September 27, 2010

I am worried

The female human has been gone a while now. What if the male human wants to go away too? I'm worried he will go away and I will be all by myself. I don't want the humans to go away. I've been keeping a close eye on the male human. To make sure he doesn't escape, I follow him around the apartment, and when he stops moving, I sit on him to make extra sure he can't leave. I have been following him to bed, to the kitchen, to the bathroom, everywhere. I won't let this one get away. The male human thinks I'm being a monster. He sent this photo to the female human. The female human likes seeing photos of me. I'm trying to be very cute and hopefully she'll come back and see me soon.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I am sad

The female human is going away tomorrow. She said she can't update my blog for me while she is away. I want to go with her, but I'm scared of the car and the airplane. I don't like leaving my apartment. It's safe and smells like me and the humans. I tried sitting in the human's suitcase, so she wouldn't be able to pack and go away and leave me. But it turns out the female human has a lot of suitcases, and she was packing a different case. I'm going to miss her. She has the best cuddles. But she will come back in 10 days. The male human is going to send her lots of photos of me, so she won't forget me. As if anyone could forget my wonderfulness.

I am speedy

I often get hungry in the evenings, around supper time. I usually go and see the male human (he is more generous with the flakies) and tell him that it's time for my supper. Sometimes the female human hears me telling the male human and she comes to see what's going on. She thinks we're silly boys. The male human likes racing. When I ask him for flakies and the female human is watching, we run down the hall to the kitchen, where the flakies live. We have a race. The male human usually leads the race, but I catch up with him easily to win a flakie prize. The female human thinks it's good for my diet. She says I'm getting some exercise. But the humans laugh at my running. They say I run like a bunny rabbit, not like a pussum. The humans are so rude to me. They don't respect my furriness.

Monday, September 20, 2010

I am evil

Look at my laser beam eyes! The humans wouldn't feed me on demand. I told them I was hungry and that I wanted my dinner. They said it wasn't dinner time yet and took photographs of me instead. I was most displeased about this and decided to use the laser beams on the humans. The humans thought again about making me wait for my dinner and decided to feed me early. The humans are no match for my evil laser beam gaze.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

I am clean

Sometimes I am a good pussum. My humans said I am very clean. They think I keep my fur and my paws and teeth very clean. I am always slurping my fur and paws. I slurp my paws a bit too much. It makes me think about my mom. Then I go crazy and bite the human holding me at the time, usually the female human. She doesn't mind. She's used to it. I have trained this human very well. She also gives my fur a nice brush every week on the balcony. I love having my fur brushed. It reminds me of when my mom used to clean me as a kitten. The humans think I might have some momma issues.
To keep my teeth clean, I often scrape them on the female human's computer or on the male human's books. It scrapes off all the biscuit crumbs and flakie bits. My teeth feel really good after I scrape them. The humans never seem too happy, though. You'd think they'd appreciate a clean and sparkly pussum, such as myself.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I am French

Bonjour, mes amis. Je suis Francais! Ca va? Je suis le Pook.
The female human was very silly yesterday. I was having a nice kip on the floor, minding my own business, when I awoke to discover I was suddenly French and the female human was taking photographs of me. How rude! I am not French. I am Japanese. But the human's jumper was nice and warm, so I decided to stay there for a while. Maybe when winter comes, I will steal this jumper...

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I am squared

It's starting to cold now. I am happy summer is finished. I was too hot and humid. My humans said I didn't do anything all day because of the hot. I don't like the hot. It makes me sleepy. When it's cold, I like to kip in my house. The male human came home and found me with my head sticking out of the house window. He thought it was funny and sent a photo to the female human. I don't care. I'm toasty.
The female human is going to England next week. She said she is going to bring me back a hot-water bottle to help keep me toasty in winter. What's a hot-water bottle...?

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I am authorial

When I grow up, I want to be a writer like the male human. He gets a desk and a good chair all to himself. His desk often has tea, beer and yummy foods on it. Sometimes he drops cheese or bacon on the floor and I can eat it. When he goes to the kitchen for more beer, I steal his chair. It's all warm and toasty and I can see over the desk. There are lots of crows outside. But I am safe inside in my writer's chair. One day, I will write my autobiography. Or I'll make the male human do it for me.

Monday, September 6, 2010

I am chipped (and violent)

My humans took me on a special trip today. They took me to the Vee Eee Tee. They tricked me. It turned out the Vee Eee Tee is actually the Vet! I was not happy. They put me in my soft carry case. I tried to tell them it wasn't necessary, but they insisted. I told them in the hallway, and the elevator, and the building lobby, and in the car all the way to the Vet. But they didn't listen to me.When I got there, it smelled pretty. I was distracted by the nice smells. Then I remembered where I was. The Vet human seemed nice. He weighed me on a special table and said I was fat. How rude! He gave my humans special new food. It smells quite nice.
The male human held onto me to stop me running away. While he was holding me, the Vet human stuck two needles in me, one in my neck and one in my hip. I was not happy. After this, the Vet human wanted to take my blood. I was not a happy pussum. I wanted to go home. So, I pounced the Vet human and bit and scratched him. I made a big scratch on his arm and lots of bite marks. Then I growled at everyone, even the female human (she brought me here, traitor!). The male human put me back in the case. The Vet didn't take my blood. I'm so fiercesome. I'm a tiger.
The Vet human gave my humans a microchip and a rabies certificate. I am certified. Then they took me home. When I got home, they gave me tuna and cuddles. I suppose I'll forgive them some time soon...