I am topical.

Not like skin cream. I am up to date with current affairs and world news. There are lots of bad bankers being paid lots of money for doing not much or doing things wrong. If I were a banker I would stockpile flakies and tuna. There's always a demand for them, in this house at least.
The female human has a good chair. It's her computer chair. I like the computer chair because it's tall and squishy. I can jump onto the desk from this chair. It's especially good after the female human has been sitting in it because it's all warm and cosy. I wait until she goes to the bathroom or to get wine and then I steal her chair. She says I'm a naughty tiger.
The female human hasn't weighed me for a while. Maybe she's forgotten about my diet... She said next time she's going to put a photo update of my slimness. I don't know why she bothers. I've always been a handsome pooka.