I am opportunistic

The female human has abandoned me with her humans. She has gone on holidays. I don't know why these humans like holidays so much. You have to leave your nice, warm, comfortable home and go other places. Other places usually means the Vee Eee Tee. But the other humans have comfy chairs like the female human has. One of the humans left his chair unattended, so I decided to keep it warm for him. I am a good, considerate house guest.

I am tasty

I can do a trick. I can touch my nose with my tongue. The female human thinks it's funny. She is easily amused. My nose is tasty. Sometimes I eat my food too quickly and I get a flake or flaky dust stuck on my nose. I like to save it until later. Usually my nose is red and not tasty.

I am battered and bruised

The female human went away the other week. She brought me back a new toy - the spoon! The spoon is like my chopsticks, but bigger and flatter. I love my new spoon. The female human throws it for me and I chase it. She came home last weekend to find me like this. I had been chasing my new spoon a little too enthusiastically and bumped into the door... My eye didn't hurt and it wasn't weeping or red, but the female human was very worried about me. She even began talking about the Vee Eee Tee... Luckily, she decided the stress would be too much for me. She's well-trained, my human. I did not want to got to the Vee Eee Tee. She checked my eye for me and that afternoon she gave me lots of biccies and flakies and cuddles. I was a spoilt tiger. A couple of hours later the swelling went down and she was less worried. The flakies were off the menu again...
In the morning my eye was ok again. The female human said I have to be more careful. She said I'm not a delicate, graceful tiger - I am big and boisterous and overexcitable. I think she's trying to say I'm fat. If I try this again next weekend, I might get another day of cuddles and spoiling... This human is so maleable.

I am involved

The female human was doing a jigsaw. I like jigsaws. There are lots of piece to play with. I helped. The human said I wasn't being very helpful. She said I kept chewing the pieces and making the edges soggy. Well, some of us weren't blessed with opposable thumbs, were we. I did the best I could...

Also, I am now a super slim 8.53kgs. I am a handsome pooka.

I am penitent (not!)

The female human was trying to practise piano. But I was not satisfied after my third lunch, so I meowed at her and then jumped on the piano. She picked me up and put me on the sofa instead. I was not pleased by this, so I jumped onto the sideboard and started knocking the things off. The female human got cross and chased me around the apartment into the bedroom. My tail was all pluffy. Eventually, she gave me a fourth lunch and went to use her computer. I decided to forgive her and came and sat on her computer to give her a head butt and show her I still loved her (despite her questionable outfit for the day). She lifted me onto her lap for a cuddle, which I thought was far too forward of her at this stage of my forgiveness, so I bit her and ran off. She is a terrible human today.

I am fed up

I am not impressed. At all. This morning I was a little bit sick (only five times and in the kitchen, not on the rug) because I scoffed my two breakfasts too quickly. The female human said I could only have a little bit more and only at long intervals because she didn't want me to make myself sick again by scoffing it down. She is so mean.
Last week I helped put the sofa from Ikea together. The picture is me helping. I held down the sofa while the female human tried to put the covers on. She said I was getting in the way. She's not very appreciative of all the help I give her.

I am Tweetable

The female human helped me open a Twitter account today. Now I can speak maintain my fursome internet presence while she is at work. I am a happy pooka. But I need more friends, famous friends, furry friends. Maybe that Uggie dog would be my friend... No, he is just a smelly dog. Lord Tubbington from Glee... Now he would be a good friend. Garfield, wait he is not real. I need famous feline friends.

I am cinematic

And noisy!

I am rude

Recently the female human has been trying to take photos of me to show my new slimness, but I won't sit or lie in the same positions for the purposes of comparison. This annoys the female human greatly. I think it's funny.
But I have been sticking my tongue out a lot. In fact, most of the photos the female human takes of me have me sticking my tongue out. I am a rude pooka.

I am musical

The female human has lots of annoying habits. She spends too much time on The Computer. She has another keyboard that annoys me. She calls it The Piano. I don't like The Piano. It's even noisier and more annoying than The Computer. Sometimes the female human plays it and makes lots of noise. She can't hear me calling for my fourth dinner. When she's not listening, I just on The Piano and make an even louder noise than the female human. Then she gets cross at me and dumps me on the floor in a very undignified manner. She's always getting cross at me for something or other. I think she needs a cattitude adjustment.

I am rapacious

Further to my difficulties with the female human's computer use, there is also the problem of the computer's position within the house. I don't know how or why it does it, but the computer always takes the Warmest Spot. The Warmest Spot seems to move around the house at random, but wherever it is, that computer is always on it... I have to move the computer if I want to sit on the Warmest Spot.
The female human gets cross at me when I move the computer. Sometimes when I try to move the computer, I accidentally sit on it and make the screen change. Then the female human gets very cross and puts me on the floor. Stupid computer.

I am obstructive

I am an important pooka. As such, I require 100% of the female human's attention 100% of the time. Sometimes she likes to use her computer and stops paying attention to me. I am not at all impressed with this kind of behaviour. I show the female human how displeased I am by jumping onto the desk and sitting in front of or on her computer. The only time she should be using the computer is to write out my blog for me. Everything else is frivolous and unnecessary.
*The female human and I have been thinking about Japan today and the earthquake and tsunami. We feel very lucky.

I am airborne

It was the female human's birthday last week. She got balloons. I didn't get balloons for my birthday. I like balloons. I made a plan. I was going to use the balloons to float up to the sideboard so I could get my flakies and bickies. But it turned out that two balloons are not enough to lift even the slim pooka.
Later the female human tied one of my mousies to the balloons, so he floated across the living room. I wasn't very pleased about that. My mousie was too high. The female had to float the balloons over the sofa so that I could reach him.

I am topical.

Not like skin cream. I am up to date with current affairs and world news. There are lots of bad bankers being paid lots of money for doing not much or doing things wrong. If I were a banker I would stockpile flakies and tuna. There's always a demand for them, in this house at least.
The female human has a good chair. It's her computer chair. I like the computer chair because it's tall and squishy. I can jump onto the desk from this chair. It's especially good after the female human has been sitting in it because it's all warm and cosy. I wait until she goes to the bathroom or to get wine and then I steal her chair. She says I'm a naughty tiger.
The female human hasn't weighed me for a while. Maybe she's forgotten about my diet... She said next time she's going to put a photo update of my slimness. I don't know why she bothers. I've always been a handsome pooka.

I am invisible

Not really. The female human came home the other day and found a pooka-shaped hole in the bed. I was cold, so I moved the duvet out of the way and made myself a nice little nest to keep toasty in. I even pulled out a bit of the female human's pyjamas because they smell like the female human. She thought it was very funny.
In other news, the female human and I have moved into a new flat and it doesn't have interwebs until February 21st, so I can't update my blog so well at the moment. Normal service will resume soon.

I am sophisticated

The female human told me off. She has wine. I like wine. It is nommy. I try to steal it when she isn't looking. I am not suposed to drink wine. The female human says that pookas are not allowed alcohol. She is mean. She drinks alcohol all the time. It's not fair. I want wine too...