I am battered and bruised

The female human went away the other week. She brought me back a new toy - the spoon! The spoon is like my chopsticks, but bigger and flatter. I love my new spoon. The female human throws it for me and I chase it. She came home last weekend to find me like this. I had been chasing my new spoon a little too enthusiastically and bumped into the door... My eye didn't hurt and it wasn't weeping or red, but the female human was very worried about me. She even began talking about the Vee Eee Tee... Luckily, she decided the stress would be too much for me. She's well-trained, my human. I did not want to got to the Vee Eee Tee. She checked my eye for me and that afternoon she gave me lots of biccies and flakies and cuddles. I was a spoilt tiger. A couple of hours later the swelling went down and she was less worried. The flakies were off the menu again...
In the morning my eye was ok again. The female human said I have to be more careful. She said I'm not a delicate, graceful tiger - I am big and boisterous and overexcitable. I think she's trying to say I'm fat. If I try this again next weekend, I might get another day of cuddles and spoiling... This human is so maleable.