I am Swedish

The humans have a bag. I like bags. This is my favourite bag. It's big and blue and crunchy and is usually filled with comfy laundry. This delightful bag comes from IKEA in Sweden. I think Sweden must be a wonderful place, to make such fantastic bags, so I have decided I will be Swedish from now on (or until next dinner time). I am the Alexander Skarsgard of the pussum world.
Maybe I should start a fan club...

I am sneezy

The female human says I have a small cold. I am sneezing and I have a blocked nose. She says it's because autumn is here and now it's cold. I don't like autumn. I like summer. In summer, the sun is warm and toasty on my belly. I can roll around on the balcony while the female human sunbathes.
If the male human were here, I could give him a cuddle. He is warmer and toastier than the female human. Also, he gives me more treats.

I am groomed

There's nothing I like better than relaxing on the floor and slurping my paws.
Well, after flakies, and Marmites, and lap cuddles, and fighting with the male human.
Actually, there's lots of things that I like better than paw slurping, but I do enjoy a good paw slurp every now and again, especially when I can't find the female human for a balcony brush.

I am elongated

Everyone thinks I'm fat. How rude. I might be a tad heavy, but I am also big. I am a long cat. I have a long body. I am tall. I have long legs. And I have especially long paddy paws.
When I stretch, I spread my paws and claws, and my paddies look very big and scary. The female human likes it when I stretch my paddies. She thinks I am very cute. But she doesn't like it when I stretch my paddies on her arm. She says it hurts. Doesn't she realise I have to stretch my claws too?
When I stretch standing up, the female human says I look like Thunderbird 2. I don't know what she's talking about, but it must be something very handsome like myself. I am a handsome, long cat.