I am opportunistic

The female human has abandoned me with her humans. She has gone on holidays. I don't know why these humans like holidays so much. You have to leave your nice, warm, comfortable home and go other places. Other places usually means the Vee Eee Tee. But the other humans have comfy chairs like the female human has. One of the humans left his chair unattended, so I decided to keep it warm for him. I am a good, considerate house guest.

I am tasty

I can do a trick. I can touch my nose with my tongue. The female human thinks it's funny. She is easily amused. My nose is tasty. Sometimes I eat my food too quickly and I get a flake or flaky dust stuck on my nose. I like to save it until later. Usually my nose is red and not tasty.

I am battered and bruised

The female human went away the other week. She brought me back a new toy - the spoon! The spoon is like my chopsticks, but bigger and flatter. I love my new spoon. The female human throws it for me and I chase it. She came home last weekend to find me like this. I had been chasing my new spoon a little too enthusiastically and bumped into the door... My eye didn't hurt and it wasn't weeping or red, but the female human was very worried about me. She even began talking about the Vee Eee Tee... Luckily, she decided the stress would be too much for me. She's well-trained, my human. I did not want to got to the Vee Eee Tee. She checked my eye for me and that afternoon she gave me lots of biccies and flakies and cuddles. I was a spoilt tiger. A couple of hours later the swelling went down and she was less worried. The flakies were off the menu again...
In the morning my eye was ok again. The female human said I have to be more careful. She said I'm not a delicate, graceful tiger - I am big and boisterous and overexcitable. I think she's trying to say I'm fat. If I try this again next weekend, I might get another day of cuddles and spoiling... This human is so maleable.

I am involved

The female human was doing a jigsaw. I like jigsaws. There are lots of piece to play with. I helped. The human said I wasn't being very helpful. She said I kept chewing the pieces and making the edges soggy. Well, some of us weren't blessed with opposable thumbs, were we. I did the best I could...

Also, I am now a super slim 8.53kgs. I am a handsome pooka.

I am penitent (not!)

The female human was trying to practise piano. But I was not satisfied after my third lunch, so I meowed at her and then jumped on the piano. She picked me up and put me on the sofa instead. I was not pleased by this, so I jumped onto the sideboard and started knocking the things off. The female human got cross and chased me around the apartment into the bedroom. My tail was all pluffy. Eventually, she gave me a fourth lunch and went to use her computer. I decided to forgive her and came and sat on her computer to give her a head butt and show her I still loved her (despite her questionable outfit for the day). She lifted me onto her lap for a cuddle, which I thought was far too forward of her at this stage of my forgiveness, so I bit her and ran off. She is a terrible human today.

I am fed up

I am not impressed. At all. This morning I was a little bit sick (only five times and in the kitchen, not on the rug) because I scoffed my two breakfasts too quickly. The female human said I could only have a little bit more and only at long intervals because she didn't want me to make myself sick again by scoffing it down. She is so mean.
Last week I helped put the sofa from Ikea together. The picture is me helping. I held down the sofa while the female human tried to put the covers on. She said I was getting in the way. She's not very appreciative of all the help I give her.

I am Tweetable

The female human helped me open a Twitter account today. Now I can speak maintain my fursome internet presence while she is at work. I am a happy pooka. But I need more friends, famous friends, furry friends. Maybe that Uggie dog would be my friend... No, he is just a smelly dog. Lord Tubbington from Glee... Now he would be a good friend. Garfield, wait he is not real. I need famous feline friends.